TEN RULES FOR SURVIVING AUSTRALIA

1. Remember to look both ways when crossing the road because traffic will be coming from the opposite direction you expect.

2. Cars rule in Australia unlike US where the pedestrian is Master. Nobody will deliberately run you over but you need to be nimble. You CANNOT just step off the kerb!

3. Don’t pick up anything or touch anything (including plants) without first asking me.

4. Don’t swim anywhere (including freshwater) with first asking me (crocodiles, sharks, stingers). At beaches, swim between the flags only (rips). When bushwalking (we’ll do lots) don’t step over fallen logs (snakes). Don’t put your hands into dark places (redback spiders).

5. If you get pissed, try not to fall into the campfire. If you do, try to act nonchalant.

6. Wear a hat at all times outdoors. The UV rays are more fierce here because of the hole in the ozone layer. No sunbaking for longer than 15 minutes. On days of extreme UV (announced on the radio) no longer than 7 minutes. Skinny dipping is reckless.

7. Wear long sleeve pants and shirt at dawn and dusk to prevent mosquito bites. Alternatively, stay indoors.

8. Don’t tip anybody for anything – period!!

9. Relax, chill out, dress very badly, call everybody ‘Mate’, and adopt a laid back attitude (very important).

10. Pretend you’re a Canadian.
 

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